Free Advice for Women

I loved reading this recent article in More magazine. The title of the article/slideshow is: What Me, Marry?

I am in awe of women like Mary Louise Parker, who famously dumped while VERY pregnant. She went on to adopt a little girl from Ethiopia and win multiple awards for her work as an actress.

A Woman Needs a Man Like a Fish Needs ...

The article also tips the hat to women like Oprah Winfrey and Sarah Silverman, who both take the “just say no” attitude towards marriage.

It also has a great quote from the great Patricia Clarkson: “I don’t consider the fact that I’ve dated several men in my life and not married one a failure. I consider that a good time!”

Read the entire article at More.com.

Dating advice for today: Let’s not date like our happiness depends on a man. Because there’s proof out there that it doesn’t depend on a man; our happiness depends on us.

I’m always surprised at how many times I go on first dates, and the guy talks the entire time about himself and doesn’t ask me a single question about me.

I mean — it’s common sense. If you like someone, you ask questions about HER.

If you like a guy, ask him questions about HIM.

But, if you’re on a first date and the guy doesn’t ask you a SINGLE question about yourself …

Lose his number. Chances are, he’s an egotistical jerk and every single thing will always be about him, him, him. Screw that.

Read more First Date Tips for Women here.

One of things that really irritates me is all the articles and books marketed towards women who want to get their exes back.

I don’t understand this, especially if the woman was the one who was dumped.

I once read a lengthy website dedicated to helping women get their ex-boyfriends back. It was shocking. The advice was to agree with everything the man said (even if he was insulting the woman), take 100 percent responsibility for everything that went or was going wrong, and to “pretend” like everything was fine.

This sounds like the Stepford Wives to me.

If you are reading this — and you want your ex back — please, please, take a moment to read this article on why you shouldn’t bother to get your ex-boyfriend back.

If, after you read the article, you STILL want your ex back — well, then, good luck.

But I think you’re worth much more than that.

You can find someone better. I’m sure of it.

Breaking up can be one of the most painful things that will ever happen in your life. The sad and unfortunate fact is that sometimes, the ones we love get under our skin. We get attached. We love. It doesn’t work out. And so we must grieve.

Breaking up and surviving a bad breakup is not easy. And there is no one single way to get over a guy. What works for me might not work for you. What works for you might not work for your best friend.

The best advice I can give is this: Give yourself a break. Don’t beat yourself up too much. Give yourself a break and give yourself time.

Here is a great article I just read over at Dating Diva Daily about Breaking Up and Blogging On.

And here is a new website devoted to breakup stories — it’s called Modern Love Rejects. You might want to read about other womens’ pain, so you know you’re not alone, or you might want to grab pen and paper or your laptop and think about writing your own story.

Above all: Be kind to yourself when you are going through a breakup. Be kind. You deserve it.

Here are 10 Breakup Tips that are all about being kind to yourself.

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Welcome to FreeAdviceForWomen.com. This site is designed to help women with dating tips and relationship advice. Please take a moment to read some of the articles. They are about typical experiences that we women face in the dating world: the best places to meet men, what to do on a first date and everything else dating-related.

If you’re in a new relationship, this site has advice for you. If you’re looking for a boyfriend, this site has advice for you. If you’re looking for where to meet single men–this site has advice for you!

Dear Eve,

Concerned

Dear Concerned:

Something tells me that if you have to ask me these questions, this is not the right guy for you. If you are underage or otherwise inexperienced, NO GUY SHOULD PRESSURE YOU INTO HAVING SEX.

Sure, you might lose him if you don’t have sex with him. But losing your self-respect and dignity is MUCH worse than losing a guy.

Listen to what your gut is telling you.

Re: How will he look at you before/after marriage? The truth is, most couples have sex before marriage. And neither person looks at the other person as a “cheap whore” for having sex before marriage.

You sound very young to me, so my advice is to wait.

Sincerely,
Eve

Dear Eve,

Sincerely,
S

Dear S,

First off, congratulations on making the step to get out of this unhealthy relationship. If he dominates you and tells you that you’re lucky to have him, it seems like he might be one of those controlling men who can turn abusive at some point. If your friends think he’s so fucking great, then you should tell them to go date him and then get back at you.

You want him out of your life, but he’s manipulated things so that people are taking his side. And plus, it doesn’t seem like he’s in the mood to let go of your relationship.

I’m sorry that you have to work with him; this is but one reason why office romance is generally a bad idea. But, since you are in a professional setting, you can use this to your advantage.

1. Email him a letter (using company email address) to tell him that it’s over, that his behavior is inappropriate and approaching the gray area of harassment (he is creating a tense work environment).

2. Tell him clearly and plainly that the relationship is OVER. Be nice but firm. Something like, “You are a nice guy, but you are NOT the right one for me, and I do NOT want to see you anymore. I am breaking up with you,” is clear and firm.

3. If he continues to harass you by picking fights with you or disturbing your work environment, take it to HR. He’s violating your right to a harassment-free work site.

This guy sounds like a real asshole, and I wish you the best of luck in getting rid of him. Worse comes to worse, there are always other jobs out there.

Good luck.

Sincerely,
Eve

Dear Eve,

What do I do?

Dear Wondering,

You are quite right. If a man is serious, then NOTHING will stop him from calling. I do not think you are a fuddy-duddy at all. Rather, you are a woman with self-respect. Women should not chase men at any age. It is not attractive to men at all.

What the guy you met is doing, however, is just letting time pass to consider his options. I disagree slightly with your 24 to 48-hours rule. Many men just cannot think that fast. It takes courage to call a woman (even a woman who has expressed interest) and he may be working up his nerve.

He may also have the numbers of other women he wants to call.

My advice to you is to wait a week to 10 days. THEN if he doesn’t call you, it’s appropriate to move on and forget about him. Men can be very cowardly. But this is no reflection on you.

Stick to your rules no matter what your friends say! I have never heard of a successful relationship being formed when the woman makes the first move. We may be living in “modern” times, but that rule remains steadfast.

Sincerely,
Eve

Maybe you’re a housewife who’s being knocked about by an angry husband. Maybe you’re a teenager with bruises on your forearms from where your boyfriend grabbed you. Maybe you’re in a relationship with a guy who’s really great except that when he gets mad he does any of the following:

- slaps you
- throws things at you
- pulls your hair
- pushes you
- pinches you
- kicks you

Maybe you’re wondering if it’s really abuse. Is it really abuse if he just throws things toward you and not at you? Is it abuse if he only uses the back of his hand to slap you? Is it abuse if you slapped him first? Is it abuse if he only does it when he’s drunk, angry, having a bad day, when you burnt dinner or forgot to wash the dishes? Is it abuse if he doesn’t leave bruises or marks? Is it abuse if you started the argument? Is it abuse if he pushes you but you don’t fall? Is it really abuse?

It is, and deep inside, you know it. If you even have to ask yourself “is it abuse” then the answer is “yes.”

For god’s sake, please get out. If you don’t have any money, call every single friend and family member you have to get a place to stay, somewhere you can get back on your feet. If you’ve got kids, call a county social worker and explain the situation. Call the police. Police do not take kindly to domestic violence. If you’re afraid of being alone, be more afraid of what will happen to you if you stay. Most women who are killed are killed by someone they know.

Don’t think it could happen to you? Nicole Simpson probably didn’t think so, either.

And what’s worse than dying at the hands of an abusive man? Living with one. The shame, the degradation, the shattering of your self-worth leaves you nothing but a pile of bones. Living with an abusive man (no matter how minor the abuse may seem) is no way to live.

Please – for yourself, for your friends, for your mom, for me — I beg you. Get out. Pull up that shred of dignity you still have somewhere inside of you, and get out as soon as you can.